The man they call 'Mild Thing' and the brains behind The Hackers. A member of Theydon Bois GC and 2001 winner of their Morgan Bowl Matchplay Trophy. Famed throughout Le Touquet for his version of Rick Astley's 'Never gonna give you up'. Always tournament favourite at Hackers Events a has returned from injury this year to his old form.

Steve Foster - Entertainments Manager  Handicap = 17.3

Lovable lush Fozzie has the amazing knack of making par without hitting fairways yet will 4 putt when in regulation. Formerly Frase's pulling partner on tour when Frase liked girls and is known in Europe's golf resorts for his line 'allo girls how's it going' ! Runner up at the Ufford Park Captains Day event. Continued his Karaoke World Tour in Spain with rousing renditions of 'That's Life' & 'Little ol' wine drinker me' !

Club elder statesman and The Hackers Inaugural Captain, Will is famous for playing golf with a persian cat on his head and telling everyone it's his own hair. Even keeps a saucer of milk in his golf bag. Runner up in 2001 Autumn Cup. A retired craftsman 'Will' kindly made 3 trophies for our competitions and when he's not in his workshop will be down The Conservative Club sneeking in a few crafty pints !  .

Russ' old man and mate of Will, Alan famously took 5 attempts to get out of a bunker in The 2001 Autumn Cup and is currently the record holder in the society. Has been working out with Leadbeater style Guru Russ over the winter months on his driving. Tries to put opponents off with the buzzing of his Powakaddy ! Vice-Captain for 2003.

The 2001 winner of The Autumn Cup, 2002 winner of  The Captains Day. Has since been cut to 17 after he won this years Spring Shield at Traditions. Is currently joint holder of the lowest ever points tally in a Hackers event with Fozzie, when they both scored a measly 14pts. in Spain. Recorded an all time record swear box fine of £9.00 at Hawkstone Park on tour. 

Jonners is joining up to carry on a lifetime tradition of winding up 'little bruv'  Russell. Has played reguarly throughout the summer to see scores & handicap lowering . When not seen on the course will be at White Hart Lane with his head in his hands or at home praying in front of his Simple Minds posters ! Opened his Hackers Karaoke account with a word perfect version of 'Don't you forget about me' in Shropshire.

Member of Burnham G.C. Also known as the 'The Stickler' for his knowledge of golf rules and applying them where necessary, 'Razor' has the charisma of Sinatra, the voice of Elton John and the slice of a 28 handicapper, although boasts the lowest H'cap of all The Hackers. Along with Fozzie has performed in the finest Karaoke joints in European Golf Resorts.

Former room-mate of Fozzie's, before his Cocoa addiction and The Hackers sole scotsman, Frase took up golf to help him forget about St. Johnstone's weekly defeats and the fact that he has'nt had a shag for ages. When he's not arresting South London's most wanted crims he can be seen at home on chatrooms telling young girls what he's going to do to them with his mashie niblick ! Current holder of The Autumn Cup.

Founder member of the hackers, Paul is the sensible one of the group who never seems to offend anyone. Kicked off the 2002 season with resounding 45 pts in the The Spring Shield to add to his 2001 Le Touquet triumph. Has now added the 2003 Captains Day to that haul, and after 4 tours & countless badgering, performed 'Angel of the morning' on Tour. Added a paltry 70p to the Captains Fund with just 3 swear words. Must try Harder !!!

Usually the Butt of all The Hackers Jokes, Patty is renowned for coming out with ridiculous statements, and is always trying to change formats of competitions to give himself a chance of winning. Is quickly gaining a reputation for being a 'whinging twat' !  Hits the ball a long way which probably explains why one of his shots out of a greenside bunker at Theydon Bois last year ended in the car park ! Currently going through an Ian Baker-Finch slump in form.    

Strokeplay whipping boy, but King of Stapleford, Wilse has now been The Hackers Tour winner for 2002 & 2003,  Has since seen his H'cap been cut to 16 & will be once again in the running for this years Order of Merit. Should have been cut 2 shots for blaming his wooden spoon in The Captains Day 2002 event on a dodgy 'Ruby Murray'  the night before !  

The most recent addition to The Hackers ranks. 'Birdy' once played with The Hackers at South Essex G.C back in the early days when we all had dodgy handicaps !  Made his long awaited comeback in the Autumn Cup at Princes G.C. scoring a respectable 28pts. Finally made his first 2003 appearance on Tour & lost  the tour overall to Mark Wilson on countback, with those steady performances, has seen his handicap cut to a more realisic 26.6.